It's Not Like There Are Dragons
by Nuclotei
Summary: Stealing a carriage was easy, the cargo he stole with it was not. Flynn Rider had his days, his good days, his bad days and then there was the day where he decided to con a pretty blond into helping him get to his goal before his time runs out. AU F/R
1. Prologue

A/N: So, for the past week, the song of healing has been stuck in my head and as I kept hearing Mandy Moore's beautiful voice in my head I decided that Tangled needed yet another Fanfiction. I'm a bit out of my element here, going for a romantic comedy with adventure and fun, but with more adult themes than Disney allows for, naturally. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Tangled, or any of the characters from it, I just screw them up to entertain people.

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It's Not Like There Are Dragons

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Prologue

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She was awoken violently, her body suspended in the air for a mere moment before falling back down into the pile of hay she had been resting on. Her bones rattled together as the covered cart bounced hard over the terrain, the snorting and huffing of her father's horses plainly heard through the sounds of the hooves beating into the dirt.

Scrambling to the edge of the cart, hay dropping from her long braided hair she grabbed the edge, leaned over and looked at the ground below them. The cart wasn't on the road, it was moving over rocks and tall grass. Another hard bump had her falling backwards hard into the hay again with a yelp.

The wind was knocked from her lungs and as she breathed in deeply with a cough she heard the sound of a man, yelling at the horses to go faster.

"What? That can't be right!" Jumping up she moved to the back of the carriage, jerked the piece of fabric out of the way and was met with the handsome face of a man who was obviously enjoying his ride.

"Hey, you!" She snapped and he looked at her quickly.

"Who the hell are you?" His hair rested just above his shoulders, was slicked back slightly from his face in a boyish way and his brown eyes stared at her like she had just sprouted two heads.

"That…that is…sir, who are you?" She countered.

"I'm Flynn, Flynn Rider. Now, your turn." He looked her over, liked the way her green eyes glared at him, the way her riding pants and shirt clung to her, hell, he even liked the way the hay was stuck in her hair, poking out in awkward directions.

"I, am the owner of this cart, and you've stolen it!" Suddenly, he didn't like her that much anymore.

"Well, since you know it's stolen, by all means, make your way out of it." He gestured towards the ground moving past them quickly.

"Since it's my cart, you "make your way out of it." before I am forced to use violence!" She leveled her glare at him, and he smirked at her.

"What are you going to do, hay me to death?"

She shifted, looked past him. "Um…"

"I mean really sweetheart, what chance do you think you have against a strong, handsome, charming man like myself?

"If you could just look…" She pointed in front of them as he carried on.

"You are small, and as everyone knows, small is weak. Weak can be beautiful though, and by judging how weak you must be, you are one beautiful girl." He leered at her.

"Would you just look?" She grabbed his face in her hand, squishing his cheeks as she faced him towards the lake.

"Oh, that could be a problem." He stated then shouted in surprise, grabbing the girls' shoulders and pulled her tight against them as the horses jumped over a set of rocks, but the cart did not, sending them flying into the lake.

He had just had a shitty week from the beginning.

...

It wasn't easy being Flynn Rider, the notorious bandit who always seemed to slip through the imperial guards fingers, back stab his "partners" who were too idiotic to carry out a simple plan of revenge. To his natural luck, of course.

No, no, where he had the most problems was in bed.

"Flynn, Flynn!" The urgent whisper of the latest dame he had slipped into bed with was shaking him awake from a very nice dream. "Flynn, wake up!" She hissed in his ear. "It's important!"

"Darling, what could be more important than swimming in gold coins, eating tropical fruit on a beach and having a line of naked women dancing in front of me?" He kept his eyes closed with the hope of being able to slip back into such a dream as he wrapped his arms around the warm body, snuggled her close.

"My husband is home!" She shoved his shoulder hard and his eyes snapped open.

"Yeah, I'd say that's a good enough reason." He leapt out of the bed, and tugged on his clothes as the heavy footsteps got closer as they moved up the stairs. "What did you say your husband did for a living?" He asked as he hopped on one foot, yanking his boot on.

"He's a butcher." She stated matter-of-factly as she simply fluffed her hair and laid back down into the warm, comfortable bed.

"Right." He nodded then turned and dove out of the window.

"Darling I'm home!" The booming voice echoed above him as he stifled a grunt, landing hard on the roof below then rolling off into the tent of a fruit vendor which he promptly fell through with a loud rip.

"Good afternoon sir." He smiled charmingly to the vendor as the man started at him, his eye twitching. "I'll just be moving right along, no harm no foul eh? Have to hate those second story windows." Flynn grabbed his satchel, slung it over his neck and saluted the bald vendor, moving quickly into the crowd as he tossed an apple up, catching it swiftly.

"On the bright side, landing on top of a fruit stand does have it's advantages." He smirked as he took a bit then patted his satchel. He had managed to locate the Butcher's wife's stash of coins, a few pieces of jewelry that wouldn't fetch more than a bit of food at a tavern but it was more than enough to get him to the next town, and even closer to his goal.

"Yes sir, today is looking…up…" He tilted his head back as a guard's horse stepped up in front of him, the rider on the back of the steed holding a rather dangerous looking cross bow.

"Flynn Rider?" His voice was gruff, his stomach was round, he was one of the stupid ones.

"No sir, that's not me. I've heard of them though, handsome devil he is, quick with his hands, light on his feet, good in the…" Flynn trailed off as he inspected his nails, getting caught up then looked back up at the guard. "I'll let you know if I see him though. You have my honor as a man!"

"Flynn Rider, you are under arrest."

"Damn."

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A/N: Exciting start so far? Yes? No? I had fun writing it. Longer chapters to come!


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: According to I am supposed to be working on three fanfictions before this one, if I want to update them fairly. Damn that Tangled CD for getting here sooner than expected! Hope you're ready for an interesting ride; chapter one is here!

Disclaimer: I do not own Tangled, or any of the characters from it, I just screw them up to entertain people.

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Chapter One

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"Rapunzel!" She looked up from her book, where she sat in the early afternoon sunlight under the old apple tree towards the house where her father called. "Rapunzel, I need you to help me, child!" She smiled as she closed the book and stood, stretching her arms above her head before moving to the house and inside where her father was laying under a baby crib he had been building for the Queens new child.

"Rapunzel!" He shouted, causing her to jump and she laughed.

"Father, I'm here." At the sound of her voice he sat up quickly, startled, and smacked his head on the under side of the crib. She closed one eye in a empathetic flinch and crouched down lifting it up slightly so he could slide out from under it without doing more harm to himself. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, child." He smiled at her, an older handsome man with a full beard, slightly gray and wonderful blue eyes that warmed her heart to see. "I was just calling because I needed your help."

She helped him to his feet, smiled up at him. "What do you need?"

"Lunch." He smiled back at her then watched her green eyes light up as she laughed and touched her cheek lightly.

"You look more and more like your mother each day."

Rapunzel watched him as he grabbed more tools to help him with the crib and slide back under it and she smiled a bit sadly as she moved to the kitchen to make his lunch. Her mother had been dead since she was a little girl and she struggled everyday to remember things about her, even little things. The stories her father would tell her always helped, but she wished she could have held onto every memory from those times when they were a family.

Now it was just the two of them, her fathering having refused to remarry even after he had been asked by many women around the Kingdom of the Sun and sometimes she wished that he had taken a new wife, if only to ease his loneliness.

She smiled slightly to herself as she ladled stew into a wooden bowl and heard his voice in her head, chiding her for being 18 and still living at home, for turning away her own suitors, and for not going out to live her own life but she was perfectly happy there.

Happy with her family, with the house that her mother loved, the tree that her Grandfather and Grandmother had planted together, and she was plainly happy about being able to help her Father with his business. He built the most amazing furniture, was the best in the whole kingdom and she painted it for him, amazing designs and colors of all sorts.

The only adventure she had ever been on was to the eastern ocean, through the Sun kingdom's forest which was safe and pleasant to walk through even though it was a three day journey.

The sound of a tool dropping and of her Father's grumblings shook her from her thoughts as she set the bowl on the table and cut him bread and cheese as well.

"Father, come and eat!" She called to him as she grabbed the water bucket and moved out of the house and to the well to fill it back up.

Tying it to the rope she turned the crank, lowering it and looked at the patch of flowers growing next to it.

The lights festival would be soon, celebrating the Sun Gods gift to his people, a rare flower that had not been seen for nearly fifty years.

Looking towards the blue sky she smiled as she envisioned the lights floating above her; it was her favorite day of the season after all.

Turning the crank absent mindedly to retrieve the bucket she yelped as the bucket hit the top of the well, sending cold water splashing onto her and she laughed to herself as she carried the half full bucket inside, soaking wet.

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He walked behind the guards' horse, wrists bound together in front of him as a thick rope tugged him along and eyed the satchel that had been taken from him that was now hanging off the saddle before him.

It was hard enough thinking of a way to escape from a palace guard, but to do so on an empty stomach made things nearly impossible. Even worse yet, he had to watch that hateful cur take his beloved stolen apple that he was intending to eat himself and feed it to his mangy horse.

"The horse wasted half of it! With its chomping and gnashing." He bared his teeth at the horses ass then looked up and noticed the guard staring at him with a peculiar look, as of he was crazy.

In that moment, it took only half a second for Flynn to form a plan and he went from baring his teeth to giving the guard a devilish grin.

"It's nice in the summer, isn't it?" The guard stared at him for a moment longer before shaking his head and turning straight.

Flynn breathed deeply.

"Ah yes, I do love the summer. The smell of warm manure, the crisp taste of cool water, the half naked women flittering about, waving fans in their face, blowing the sweat from their brow and breast" He paused, clearing his throat. "I'm getting off topic."

The guard rolled his eyes and nudged his horse on a bit faster, if only to get away from the mad man trailing behind.

"Do you know what I don't love about summer?" Flynn flicked a piece of dirt off of his shoulder, inspected his nails and waited for the guard to take the bait.

He never did.

Flynn managed to hear the arrow before he saw it as it whizzed past his head and by chance raised is arms in defense, the arrow imbedding itself into the rope right between his wrists, the very tip poking out flashing it's dangerous grin at his beloved face.

Looking around quickly he saw the horrifying sight of his morning lay, waving at him from a carriage as her husband charged at him with the look and speed of an angry bull.

"Oh, that's not good." He muttered before leaning forward and pricking the horse on the ass with the tip of the arrow.

The horse bucked, Flynn ducked and the Butcher got kicked square in the groin, sending him flying over Flynn's head and skidding face first across the gravely road and into some poor unsuspecting woman.

"Oh, Gods. I wouldn't wish that pain on any man." Flynn flicked his eyes to the sky as he prided himself for his quick thinking and prepared to tug loose of the rope that was fraying from the friction of his movements and of the arrow. As the hilt of the sword smacked him hard on the back of the head he managed to slur on his way to meet the ground. "Save for you."

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Rapunzel moved into town, carrying a basket to load up on needed supplies for the week and she smiled at the hustle and bustle of smiling faces around her as the people hung purple banners with the kingdoms emblem on them on running lines, on any pole or space that could be found.

Already the smell of baked good seeped from across the bridge into the main town of the kingdom and her stomach growled in response. She had fed her father, but had failed to feed herself.

Moving across the bridge she easily maneuvered around the people, accepted a flag that was handed to her with a kind smile and a thank you and even paused to admire the beautiful lake surrounded her beloved kingdom before the hulking body of a man much larger than herself came at her as if it were flying before landing on the ground and sliding into her.

She yelped then grunted as her legs were swept from under her and as she landed on the mans sticky, sweaty, and smelly back nose first.

Apparently, her trip to the kingdom was hardly charmed.

Shoving herself up quickly she looked down at the man, holding onto his privates like he had lost them and to the source of the flying man where a horse bucked its rider right off of it. She watched him fall in amazement, watched only what she could assume was his captive look towards the sky in some sort of prayer then flinched as the hilt of a sword collided with the back of his head and he crumpled to the ground like a rag doll.

Curiosity got the better of her as she moved closer to the guards that had now run up and she leaned to try and get a good look of the man as he was swept onto the back of the horse that had previously been bucking and trotted towards the castle.

She looked down as a little old lady bumped into her.

"Oh, excuse me." She smiled and the old lady looked up at her with a devilish gleam in her eyes.

"I am on my way to collect fifty gold coins!" She smiled at Rapunzel, showing a severe lack of teeth before bustling down the side walk, a crumpled wanted poster in her hand.

"Well, there is certainly not a lack of excitement here." Rapunzel blew out a breath as she continued on.

…

"M'lady." She shifted in her bath to look at the intruder into her solitude with a cold ice blue stare that had him backing up, worming his way closer to the ground in humbleness. "M-M'lady…forgive me." The messenger choked out in fear and the woman waved her hand, golden and jeweled rings sparkling in the light.

"Well spit it out already!"

"Majesty we have found the whereabouts of the man that you have been looking for, the thief." She shifted in her tub before standing, a robe coming to her smoothly wrapping around her and she slide her arms into the cool silk of it.

"And where, is he?" She leaned down, running her finger along the messengers chin, watching his Adams apple bob as he swallowed hard, fearfully and felt pride in causing such a reaction.

"He is…" He squeezed his eyes closed. "He is…in the prison at the Kingdom of the Sun."

Her eyes narrowed as she stood straight, curly block hair bobbing around her shoulders and she inspected her nails for a moment before looking at the guard standing by the doorway to the washroom.

"Kill him." She commanded coldly as she walked out, the door closing behind her on the pleading screams of the messenger.

Moving into her bed chambers she snapped at her maids, them hurriedly bringing her dress, drying her off and sliding it on her, lacing it up as she looked out of the window and into the night.

"Bring me the Stabbington Brothers."

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A/N: There you have it! Chapter One! Let me know what you think!

…Nuclotei


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